2. I have been pretty quiet about Robin Williams’ death until now because I didn’t feel like he was mine to grieve. I never met the man in person and my only relationship with him had been through the characters I loved as a child and a young adult. But as of late, the discussion has turned to depression and suicide, two things I am intimately acquainted with. I’ve “come out” to some of my friends and all of my family about it.
    I use that term, “come out,” because there is still a social stigma that surrounds depression. When I decide to tell a friend or loved one, it’s still very difficult and I have had people leave me behind because they didn’t understand my illness. I still haven’t told any of my coworkers for fear that I will be discriminated against or that I will be given less opportunities just because they “don’t want to burden me.”
    The truth is that I struggle everyday regardless of how much or little is on my plate. Getting out of bed is a challenge, most days the thought of even leaving my apartment is so daunting I get tired just thinking about it. It’s not that I’m sad all the time (although I do cry, a lot); the truly overwhelming sensation in my life is numbness. I am often disinterested in what is happening around me and I get into a negative thought spiral that I’m a burden to my friends and that they really don’t want me around. I isolate myself and it becomes a self-perpetuating cycle of loneliness, numbness, sadness and feelings of hopelessness.
    I was diagnosed officially when I was 16. This was after a conversation with my mother in which I quite rationally said, “I don’t think there’s anything left for me to learn in this life.” I attempted suicide for the first time shortly after saying that, by trying to hurl myself out of a moving car. At this point in my life I had been having suicidal thoughts for years. I’ve found the notes I would write out to family and friends in journals going back to the 4th grade. I had taken steps toward suicide many times, but never truly attempted until that moment, when my mom was driving me home after what had been a very dramatic depressive episode.
    I didn’t know who to talk to about my diagnosis outside of my mandated therapist and my mom. At that time I wasn’t aware of the wonderful support networks available to me as a teenager struggling with mental illness. I just started isolating myself and things just seemed to get worse. And then my uncle passed away very suddenly. I think I’ve talked about this before, but he had a brain aneurism and we as a family had to make the life support decision. It was after that that I attempted again. I didn’t want to live in a world that would take someone who had worked so hard to change his life and end their life before they had a chance to finish their transformation.
    But, it’s now been about 8 years since my last attempt and I can honestly say that I’m happy I survived, despite still having to live with the disease and all it entails. I am writing today about my illness and about my attempts to help wash away the stigma. I know I am but a tiny voice in the vastness that is the internet, but even if I can help one more person feel more comfortable, it will be worth the bit of cyberspace this is written on.

    It’s not your fault. And no matter who you are, you are loved. You are no less of a person because of your diagnosis. And if you need help, reach out, someone will be there to help. And if you’re feeling suicidal, please call the folks at the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (800-273-8255). They’re great people who will listen to you no matter what.

  3. skalja:

    Not sure whether I should be mad no one told me Olivia Colman was this amazing before watching Broadchurch or delighted that I got to discover it for myself.

    (Source: aintborntipycal, via letthefairyinyoufly)

  4. it was january 3, 1995, my daughter’s birthday. i remember.

    (Source: ackermanlevi, via letthefairyinyoufly)


  5. Just watched a video about “ignorant Obama supporters.” Normally I just let trash lie, but I really hate it when someone claims to be a journalist and then acts in such a biased manner. So, to answer his questions:

    Do you believe the government has a role in the bedroom?
    Nope. What I do and with whom are my and my partner’s business only.

    But you believe the government should pay for something that goes on in your bedroom. That they should provide you with contraception?
    No. I believe the government should make sure I have easy, legal access to birth control since it is a part of my health regimen. I believe the government should regulate insurance companies so they have to cover it the same way they cover any other prescription. I don’t want a hand out, but I do want to get the services I paid my insurance company for.
    And for the record, birth control isn’t just a contraceptive drug. It’s also been proven clinically to help treat severe PMS symptoms, regulate the menstrual cycle and help treat severe acne. I’ve been on the pill since I was 13, not because I’ve been sexually active since then, but because my acne was horrible and my menstruations were so severe that I was being prescribed prescription strength pain medications to help me cope.

    This kind of argumentative tactic is called a false dilemma. Believing that the government doesn’t belong in your bedroom and believing that the government should regulate health agencies to provide access to legal medical treatments aren’t mutually exclusive beliefs. Just because the legal medical treatment in question acts as a contraceptive and can be used “in the bedroom” doesn’t mean that you want the government in there with you. Basically, I’m telling Republicans to fuck off on this one because it’s really easy to trip someone up on camera in a 30 second clip, but it’s much harder to have an open and honest conversation about these topics. Don’t you have something better to do? Like report on what the campaigns and candidates are actually doing?
  9. mychempunk:


    Me when im late to class

    Me, whenever I’m late. 

    (Source: morelikewinterhell)

  10. catchmy-dreams:




    (via bodiesfade)


  11. hostilehottie:

    feminists won’t take your opinions seriously because you’re a man? woah dude that sucks. as a woman I can’t even imagine. thank god no one has ever devalued my insight because of my sex and gender

    (via bodiesfade)

  12. Elie Saab Pre-Fall 2012/2013

    (Source: pagetvbrewster, via letthefairyinyoufly)


  15. The Jameis Connundrum

    So I am an avid football fan. Always have been, always will be. Until I went to Florida State for grad school, I was a hardcore Florida fan. The rivalry is in my blood and Florida and Florida State football are a passion of mine.

    I am also a feminist. I have been called a raging feminist, but I think of myself as pretty reasonable. I believe in equality, including when it comes to calling sexist bullshit. I think rape culture in the US is terrifying and it’s horrible that rape, a crime that is so personal and so devastating, is one of the most under-reported crimes in the US and has an even lower conviction rate.

    I hate that we still live in a society where a short skirt or a date with someone “famous” is an invitation for unwanted sexual advances. But I also hate that we live in a society with a mired history on false accusations of rape against men of color and against athletes and other celebrities.

    Every false accusation makes every legitimate case that much harder to believe. And it leaves so many women to become the subject of vitriolic public opinion.

    I don’t know what happened in Jameis’s bedroom that night. The police acted completely inappropriately and incompetently during their investigation.

    I feel sorry for the woman. I feel sorry for Jameis.

    Part of me wants to trust Jimbo Fisher because he dismissed a player last year for this very kind of misconduct. But part of me remembers my rec soccer coach becoming so tunnel visioned by winning that he went temporarily insane.

    So ultimately, I can not pass judgement on this because there will be no trial and the evidence is so all over the place that there isn’t a clear yes or no on his innocence. 

    But I do hope this serves as a way to continue the conversation on rape culture in the US. On the pressures placed on college athletes. On our voyeuristic culture when it comes to high profile crime.

    Perhaps justice may never be reached in this case, but something good can come of it. And I hope we can all be adult enough to have an educated and sober discussion, rather than anonymously tossing accusations and simply assigning blame. These actions do nothing to solve the problem, and that’s really what we should be working for.